[OOM: Up on the roof]

[mnt_raph]

*Raph had forgotten how much of a pain in the ass the tent was to set up by himself. He'd had Andrew to help with the set up and break down on their trip, and Death was there the last time he needed to put it on the roof.

Death.
He misses her so much.

He wipes at the sweat beading on his forehead, and is greeted in turn by the stinging, burning sensation that comes with having a quickly developing sunburn.*

Great. Just great.

Comments

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

April let him go, her face still turned away, reflected pale in low light. Somehow, without even knowing it, she had ruined everything, and she knew it.

She took several steps back towards the ladder and then paused, Penny's words echoing in her mind. When she spoke, it was just loud enough to be heard, her back to him.

"I didn't mean to love you. Not like this. But I do." She hesitated and then turned to look back over her shoulder at him, painted in shadows and starlight. "I forgive you, Raphael. Goodbye." She turned away again and moved quietly the remaining distance to the ladder.

One foot in front of the other, April. Just keep breathing.

[mnt_raph]

NO!

*His voice is harsh, and both his hands as well as his teeth are clenched.*

Take. It. Back.

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

April stilled, one foot against the top rung of the ladder, and looked back to him, her face set, unreadable.

"No."

She didn't even know which part he meant. Didn't matter.

[mnt_raph]

I don't deserve it.
Take it back.

*His voice is more like a growl than anything else. His posture more old than new.*

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

April pulled her foot back up onto the roof and stood, resolute.

"No."

She wasn't afraid.

[mnt_raph]

But I don't want it...

*His resolve is beginning to break, and his anger right along with it.*

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

"We don't always get what we want." Did she ever know about that just then.

[mnt_raph]

please.

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

"Can't. It's all part and partial to the whole 'being in love with someone' deal."

[mnt_raph]

you're not in love with me, you're in somethin' with this.

*He gestures towards himself.*

an' i don't deserve your forgiveness, so take it back. please take it back. please. don't make him right about me.

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

In a flash, April had crossed to him and smacked him against the cheek. It wasn't like before; it was controlled, but just barely.

"Where the fuck do you get off, you bastard?!" she fumed, eyes flashing. "You think I'm that superficial, do you?? You think I don't know myself? Well, fuck you, Raphael. Fuck you for-" She stopped, her voice catching in her throat and she shook her head.

"You have never said anything more hurtful. Ever."

[mnt_raph]

*Just like before, Raph takes the hit. His face turning away with the force of the blow.

He's quiet for a long time.*

not superficial. just human.

*Raph understands how this works, or at least he thinks he does. How someone can go from friend to more with the help of a spell. That's how this has all worked for him. Feelings that were never there before, never dreamed up, are now felt with full force.
To be human, is to easily fall prey to such things.*

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

"You don't know me at all," she breathed, astounded.

[mnt_raph]

no. i don't. not like this.

*Not as an equal.*

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

"It was always you. You stupid, stubborn bastard."

[mnt_raph]

*Raph looks back up at her, blinking a few times as he does so.*

what?!

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

April supposed he had every right to be startled, because she was a little startled herself. Didn't change it from being true.

"What do you think love is?" she asked with a sigh and then turned away again.

[mnt_raph]

*He shrugs lamely.*

depends. we talkin' then or we talkin' now.

*He can't explain it. It's the difference polorized lenses make on a blindly sunny day. Or how your tongue feels just before it burns, and in the time it takes to heal.

He knew what it felt like to love before. Loyalty. Honor. Family.
But now there are more things, more emotions to take into account. Attraction. Desire. Lust.*

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

"We're talking always," April replied, frustrated. It was difficult to make sense of it to him when she couldn't put her finger on it herself.

She paused, and looked back to him, her gaze almost defiant.

"This isn't about sex."

[mnt_raph]

*Raph sputters.*

I didn't say it was!

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

"You were thinking it."

So was she, but that was beside the point.

[mnt_raph]

I was, but only because of you. Because of what this makes me think of.

*Again, he gestures to himself.*

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

April's eyes softened, and on impulse she reached out to touch his cheek.

"What does it make you think of?" she asked quietly, her hand slipping down to press its palm against his chest, over his heart. The steady rhythm beneath her fingertips was comforting.

[mnt_raph]

*Again he shrugs, but this time looks away.*

an itch that can't be scratched. not havin' to be afraid. warm bed on a cold morning.

*Her. He has the good sense to leave off that last part.*

[the-damsel.livejournal.com]

He was confusing her even more than she was confusing herself. Part of her understood that internal battle, but part of her wondered why it required such a fight.

"Are you afraid of me?" she asked, staring back at him even though he had looked away, her hand still over his heart.

Are you afraid of Us?